He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
