My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
