i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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