sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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