I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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