I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
