Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
