just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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