I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
