She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
