hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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