Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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