So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
