Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
