chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
