Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize