Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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