You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
