I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
