hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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