before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
