the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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