I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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