what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
