Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
