He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
