She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
