You work out of a Hotel?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize