Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize