Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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