I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
