I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
