I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
