The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
