last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
