I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
