i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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