Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
