i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize