I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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