Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
