Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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