After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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