If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
