That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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