I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
