Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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