She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
