So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
