Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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