I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sobbing to NWA
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
