your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
