Swine flu is the new snow day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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