Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
