I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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