Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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