Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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