just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize