mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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