I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
