a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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