you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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