When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
