ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
