I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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