They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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