and you said cock pushups were impossible
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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