Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You are the jesus of drinking
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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