I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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