If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
