I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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