im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
