I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
