there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
