how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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