Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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