Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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