Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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