Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
