oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize