did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Randomize
