i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
