if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
