sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
