census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
