I think I died a long time ago.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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