where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Im part way to drunk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
