a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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