I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
