38 yer olds are good kisserssss
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
