Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
