I wish my penis had an off switch
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I enjoy the company of your penis
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize