Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My ass is underappreciated
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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