I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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