One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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