I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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