I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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